special needs mom – Brick Marshmallows

‘Be The Change’ … Think about those three words for just a moment.

How can you actively “be the change” you want to see in the world?

For me, this is an easy answer. As a mom to two amazing kiddos who rock an extra chromosome and who are 100% non verbal, I’d like to change the way the world too often views them. Lumping the special needs community into a one size fits all category is dehumanizing. Sounds a bit harsh, I know. But it’s true.

“Down syndrome kids are always so happy.”

Is that so? (cue rolling my eyes as far back in my head as is humanly possible). Talk to me about how happy cutie pie is when I say no to that Oreo cookie.

“Down syndrome kids are so loving … they love everybody.”

Ummmm. My two ragamuffins are completely nonverbal, yet they’ve figured out a way to constantly grunt, groan, and fuss at each other just like typical siblings … This is more like toleration, not love. haha.

I hate to burst the bubble, but in my home, beyond the almond shaped eyes, small stature, and bright smiles are two individuals who have distinct personalities, temperaments, strengths, and weaknesses:

A diva who will size you up in a heartbeat, Hopey is fiercely independent and feisty:

Charlie, on the other hand, couldn’t be more different. He’s a soft cuddle bug who’s a master charmer when it comes to getting his way:

Hopey is mischievous and funny, while Charlie is a more go with the flow kinda dude.

Both will go outside to play for the same amount of time … Hope will come dragging herself in the house with skinned knees looking like she’s been wrestling a couple of hogs in a pile of mud while Charlie will look like he’s just bathed and is ready for Sunday School.

I foresee a day when people will automatically accept them and see them as individuals instead of brushing them with the broad stroke of Down syndrome. When accepted as individuals, Hope and Charlie become human and worthy of identity and relationship. Neither should be expected to fit into a once size fits all Down syndrome kids bucket. You get the point. Yes, both are kids who have Down syndrome … but more than anything else, they’re just regular kids.

I’ve immersed myself in the differently abled community. It’s become my passion and my life. In the process, I’ve made very real friendships with many adults who have intellectual and developmental disabilities. Just like Hope and Charlie, each are unique in every sense of the word. Through my own relationships and experiences with these amazing individuals , my desire has grown for others to see what I see. All people, regardless of ability or disability, are much more alike than different. Whether differently abled or not, for instance, we all love the anticipation that comes with Christmas Eve, how sand feels when squished between our toes, the view from a mountain peak, time spent around a campfire with friends, a sloppy kiss from the family dog, a new pair of jeans that fit just right, the crisp edges of a fresh baked brownie … am I right?

At the same time, though, we are all a bit different. Some of us are born Chatty Cathy’s while others are excellent listeners. Some of us are athletic while others are artistic. Some of us have arms and legs … others were born without limbs. Some of us have brown eyes, and some have blue. Well … in the same way, some folks were born with an extra chromosome, while others weren’t. It’s no big deal at all, because differences are never a bad thing. They’re just a thing. And those things that make us unique might actually be what make us most interesting.

I was given this shirt by Bee Attitudes , and was challenged to describe how I’m being the change I want to see in the world. I’d honestly never thought about it before, but it makes perfect sense when you think about it. If I want the world to treat Hope and Charlie with love, honor, acceptance, and respect, then I must treat the world, especially the differently abled world, with love, honor, acceptance, and respect. Through my friendships with the differently abled community, I guess I’ve lived out the term ‘Be The Change’. How I treat those individuals (since I pretty much adore them) is definitely how I want others to treat my two loves.

Here’s my 5 second challenge to you. If an individual who is differently abled is placed in your path, no matter where you are … at church, a restaurant, a grocery store, or a ball game … introduce yourself.

“Hi, my name is Melanie, what’s your name?”

It’s that simple.

Then follow up with a warm smile and a handshake.

That simple act not only takes five seconds of time, but it validates that you see that person as an individual. As human. As equal to you.

I’d love to hear from you. In the comments, tell me about how you are being the change you want to see in the world.

Remember this: In the big picture, God never makes mistakes. And when we choose love, we’re all The Change.

(With every purchase, Bee Attitudes gives back to charities who are making a change. Be sure to click the link and check out their site! This mustard colored shirt is one of the softest shirts I’ve ever worn. The fabric is bouncy, so it hangs nicely. Not to mention … what about that cute message?)

Just my thoughts,

~Mel

christian blog, Down Syndrome, Fitness, get fit, Health blog, self care

How A Special Needs Mom Fought Loneliness With Three Easy Steps … and Won!

January 19, 2019January 19, 2019 Melanie Hollis

I’ve been a special needs mom to a princess who rocks an extra chromosome for more than 13 years, and thanks to the miracle of adoption and a red-headed cheese puff who also rocks that extra something, I’ve been a special needs mom to two kiddos for 10 years. Both are non-verbal, and both are a handful of mischief, drama, and constant giggles. Like typical siblings, they fuss with each other (which amounts to grunting back and forth for what seems like an eternity at times). They take things from each other, occasionally pinch one another, and even manage to tell on each other. Picture little man grabbing my hand and pulling me to his big sister, then bursting into tears … while at the same time, big sister rolls her eyes and looks away. Yep. She’s usually guilty.

Neither can take care of any of their needs independently. They rely on me completely. I dress them, bathe them, feed them, put them to bed, and read their minds (at least I try). I talk to them, filling in their quiet with my own version of what they’d probably like to say if they had a voice. Hopey has a high cartoon voice when I speak for her. She thinks it’s hilarious, especially when I roll my eyes, stomp my foot, and act like a true teenage girl. For Charlie, I use a sweet baby voice … because he’ll always be the baby of the family.

We try to agree on music in the car. If I choose a Luke Bryan or Bruno Mars song, we’re always good. But when I step outside the box, they sometimes break down into sobs. We try to agree on clothing choices, but they’ve been known to rip off their clothing just as I finished getting it on their wriggling bodies. Charlie, for added affect, likes to throw his shirt across the room. Uhhhhhm, I guess you don’t like the shirt choice, dude? haha. (Did I mention they are full-on drama?) I can laugh about it now. I mean, c’mon, it’s funny.

The stress level of a special needs mom has been likened to the stress level of a combat soldier. I’m convinced it isn’t necessarily because the role is so difficult, but because special needs moms never feel like they’re doing enough for their kiddos. We question ourselves constantly. Have we provided enough opportunities? Therapy? Education? Are we feeding them too much? Are they exercising enough? Did I remember to double lock the doors so she can’t escape during the night? Is his sniffle worth a doctor’s appointment? Or is the risk of him catching something worse too great for that appointment? And don’t even get me started on how much we worry about our child’s future. Honestly, our minds never shut off.

There was a time when I was so caught up in figuring out how to be a special needs mom that I forgot how to live. Unintentionally, I closed doors on friends and family who’d been in my life for years, because I felt they couldn’t possibly understand my new normal. One day, I awoke to an overwhelming feeling of loneliness and regret. I’d been so laser focused on reaching my two kiddos, that in the process, I forgot that I needed a support system. I felt lost. I thought I was being the best mom in the world. But you know what I realized? If I lose myself, I’m not being the best mom I can be. More than anything else, they need me to be me.

I’d like to say that with this realization came a sweeping life altering shift. As with most change, however, it was slow and steady. I began by hiring a trainer. I felt if I committed to her and to a schedule, I’d stick with it. As it turns out, she became my biggest cheerleader. Not only did she daily encourage me to push through my workouts, as I got to know her, she slowly invaded all of my empty, hurting spaces. She asked me questions about my life. She listened. And she reminded me that I’m enough and that God is always with me. Last year, she challenged me to run a 5K. I ended up running thirteen. She’s been my trainer for four years now, and I count her as one of the best friends I’ve ever had in my life. The gym quickly became my community as I met new people. In the process, I became physically stronger. The more fit I became, the happier I felt. My energy increased as endorphins kicked into high gear, I went from a size 8 to a size 4, and then one day I realized I felt like myself again. It had been years.

Around the same time, I decided to open my home once a month to a group of my best buddies for a pizza party and karaoke. They are all so much fun, I knew they’d usher happiness right into my life on a regular basis. And they never disappointed. What I didn’t expect, though, was what a tremendous role their parents would play in my fight. These selfless moms and dads would drop off or pick up their adult children, and instead of walking away, they’d hug me. They’d look me in the eyes and thank me for hosting a party. Sometimes they’d come into the house and chat with me. They made an effort to get to know me and my children. Welcoming me into their lives without any walls, prerequisites, or expectations, they made me feel like a part of their families.

And finally, I became intentional about hiring sitters so that I could get out and do regular things that other moms get to do. I have to say, God really showed off in this area. I was terribly slow to trust others with my munchkins, because remember, I never left them. So it was going to take some super fantastic girls who had a true desire to spend time with Hope and Charlie before I’d be able to leave them. He brought me Nancy, Dana, two Hannah’s, Kelsey, Katie, Bryn, Bethany, and Rikki. I can’t say enough about these girls, who are my superheroes. Each wear their love for my kiddos on their sleeve. They’ve worked tirelessly to break into Hopey’s tiny circle, they’ve tried every trick in the book to get Charlie to eat solid food (at 10 years of age, he still has his food puree’d and put into a bottle), and they’ve recklessly embraced all of me. Whenever I attempt to show them more love and appreciation, they immediately meet we with the same. They’re like beautiful mirrors reflecting everything I have to give right back to me. I treasure them. In every way, they are the hands, feet, and heart of God.

Life is messy. There are times when we wake up and wonder how things became so crazy. Can you relate? But my message is that it’s never too late to make changes. Maybe you’ll be blessed by getting a chance at a re-do. Or perhaps you’re like me, and you’ll have to start all over from scratch. It doesn’t really matter as long as you dig your heels into the dirt and move forward with intention. I began with three simple goals.

Exercise so I can be healthy enough to raise my kiddos
Open my home to others
Hire sitters so I can occasionally get out

I stuck with them, continued to move forward, and my life totally turned around. Not only am I not lonely, my life is filled and overflowing. If I can do it, so can you. What are your three simple goals? Write them down and make a decision to hold yourself to them.

Just my thoughts,

~Mel

Travel

Why Anna Maria Island?

February 15, 2018February 16, 2018 Melanie Hollis

“Anna Maria Island … hmmmm. I’ve never heard of it.”

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard that statement. Anna Maria Island is still somewhat of a hidden gem, and that’s precisely what makes it so amazing. As soon as you pull into the quaint beach town, you escape every semblance of modern architecture and return to the safety net of yesteryear when days passed by at a much slower pace. It’s heavenly.

Only seven miles long and two miles wide, there’s no planned community, no Taco Bell or Walmart, and very few stoplights. Golf carts, bicycles, and flip flops are the preferred modes of transportation. The mood? Friendly. And the beach? Exquisite.

On some visits, I rent a house on Anna Maria, because there are so many extraordinary houses to choose from. But most of the time I choose to stay in a three bedroom condo on the ground floor of the Mainsail Beach Inn. Within ten steps of the sliding glass door, my feet are on the beach and my body is enjoying a lounge chair the condo sets up daily for all of it’s guests.

The Inn is well-appointed, clean as a whistle, and convenient to everything. The staff, however, is the selling feature. They are beyond warm and accommodating. Because most guests return, they actually call people by name. They even know my kids. haha. And if that doesn’t top the proverbial cake, the sunset view from the back porch is enough to draw me back time and time again. It will you as well. You have to see it to believe it.

But how about the food? On such a small island, there can’t be too many food options, right? Uhhhh, no. There are so many options. Yummy fresh seafood can be found at several local restaurants, but my favorite food on the Island comes from Vinny and Cheryl’s Italian Kitchen. Go ahead and say it. Italian food on an Island sounds sketchy. I was a doubter too, at first.

Rumor has it that Vinny and Cheryl’s was once a booming catering business in New York City. They retired, moved to Anna Maria Island, and when word spread about their ability to make homemade Italian fare from scratch, unsolicited orders started coming to them. That is where their new establishment was born (Arrivederci to retirement!!!). If you don’t place your order early, you’ll have a two or three hour wait to get your food. And people wait. The demand is that high, because their food is that good.

Vinny and Cheryl’s is not a sit down restaurant, by the way. It’s a ‘place your order and pick it up’ gig. And the portion sizes will blow your mind. As soon as I start heading toward the Island, I place my order for the week. My favorite dishes are the Stromboli (half pepperoni and half sausage), the Penne Vodka, and the Tortellini Alfredo. Right now, my mouth is watering just thinking about it. If you go to Anna Maria Island, this little green building is a must!

And as in any authentic beach town, desserts are important as well. Anna Maria Island, once again, doesn’t disappoint. My two faves are Two Scoops and The Donut Experiment. Two Scoops, as the name implies, gives you a customary two scoops of ice cream. (Two scoops — how nice of them!!!) With thirty- two homemade flavors to choose from, the place never gets boring. As for The Donut Experiment, it’s an experiment that shouldn’t be skipped if you are a donut lover. When you enter the store, you are given a fresh baked cake donut. From that point, you can go crazy choosing icings and toppings to make your own donut creation. Bacon, Caramel, Key Lime, and Chocolate Chips are on the menu … so, yeh, it’s a winner.

So now that you know where you’re going, it’s time to talk about how to get there once you’re on the Island. For golf carts, bikes, and paddle board rentals, I use Beach Bums. They will deliver whatever you want whenever you want it … right to your door. In all of the times I’ve visited, I’ve never had one single issue with any of our rentals. Beach Bums keeps things in tip top working order. And again, because most vacationers who go to Anna Maria Island return, the folks at Beach Bums can call most customers by name. They, too, know my kiddos. That personal level of service is not easy to find these days. But like I said before, stepping onto Anna Maria Island is like stepping back in time.

The accommodations on Anna Maria Island are spectacular, the food is delicious and diverse, the service is exceptional, and the people are welcoming and friendly. These are all reasons this beach ranks as one of my favorites. But the biggest test of all is how my kiddos like it. Hope and Charlie sport an extra chromosome and have a keen sense of knowing when they’re accepted versus when they’re not. And on Anna Maria Island, they have always been accepted with wide open arms. For a momma, that goes a very long way.

If you’re looking for a new adventure, consider this piece of paradise. Support the locals and allow them to call you by name. Then let me know your thoughts.

~Mel

Tag: special needs mom

Take The Five Second Challenge & Be The Change

How A Special Needs Mom Fought Loneliness With Three Easy Steps … and Won!

Why Anna Maria Island?